Killing my pet sins...

I have struggled for years to love my husband when he is sick.  I am not alone in my struggles with sick men.  There are plenty of hilarious jokes out there.

"During labor, the pain is so great that a woman can almost imagine what a man feels when he has a fever."

"I think I'm getting sick."  The most dreaded words a wife can hear her husband say.

And my favorite..."I'm gonna kill him and put him outta MY misery!"

I've known for years that these attitudes had a dark edge.  I didn't want to call them sin because sarcasm is probably one of my greatest temptations in regards to the sin of pride.  I like to think that the wittiness of sarcasm helps me through difficult circumstances.  But, all too often, it is at the expense of others and inappropriate for the situation.  God convicted me especially regarding those comments where the husband is referred to as the additional "child."  I knew, and there was no denying, that it was an unbiblical and sinful way to think, or speak, towards my husband and the leader of our home.  It was as if there was a neon light flashing over my head..."Selfish!"  The feelings of anger and frustration were like the check engine light of my heart...saying, "STOP!  Pull over!  Selfish, ugly explosion of SIN about to pour forth!"  And rather than being the wise woman who builds her house...I was the foolish one who with my words and hands tore mine down (Proverbs 14:1).

I am thankful for the Holy Spirit's conviction.  How he points to, highlights, and scrapes at anything that doesn't look like Christ in me.  Maybe he should break out the heavy machinery.  *sigh*  No one likes how this discipline feels...but without true conviction and true repentance there can't be true reconciliation and relationship.  And even though it's painful...I want that...I want to be more like Christ.

I've gone in spells trying to do better about my attitude on my own...knowing that I couldn't and shouldn't be ugly to Loverbrains when he's got a sinus infection or whatever.  I always fail.  Self effort is...stupid.  I don't have the power.  This time, I am hopeful that by admitting my inabilities and my need for help to God, that He IS and WILL keep helping me to love my husband well.  Darren is in more pain with this pinched sciatic nerve than I have ever seen him.  And now, my heart breaks as I watch him struggle...and I pray faithfully and fervently for him...rather than griping and thinking of myself.

Last night, I said something about all suffering being sanctifying and he looked at me like, "Bug off!"  Cuz, really, who wants to hear that when they're suffering, right?  Then I said, "Not for you...for me!"  I'm grateful for this time of trial because it has worked to break me of a pet sin I've been coddling for years.

"So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you." Col. 3:5

Hodgepodge: Sense of time...

1. What would you say is your strongest sense? 
Hearing...I have always had sensitive and intelligent ears.  I love languages and accents and pick up on them easily...so easily that I tend to copy how people talk and have to catch myself.  It feels fun on my tongue.  This strong sense is a bit of curse though...especially in our new house where I hear every new sound and cannot seem to sleep well at night.  Ugh.

2. Do you believe in the idea of a 'sixth sense'? Why or why not?
It's an interesting idea.  I 'get' what people are trying to describe...a gut feeling of sorts.  I do think that there are times we need to trust our gut.  But, there are also times where we can get carried away by our emotions and feelings and that's a mistake.  I guess my answer is no.

3. When do you most feel like a slave to time? Explain.
Generally, I feel like a slave to time when I'm in a hurry and it involves the kids.  I feel rushed and like I'm missing the most important things and I hate that!  The constant companion that phones have become makes me feel this way too.  People need an answer and they need it RIGHT NOW.  I miss my answering machine that I checked once a day when I got home from work.  

4. Have you ever worked in a restaurant? How would you rate the experience? If you could own a restaurant what kind would it be? 
Yes.  I was a dishwasher/prep cook in college and then later I worked at McDonalds too.  It was hot, sweaty work.  It taught me the value of money and the value of my education.  It taught me to value people too.  Many blue collared workers never get recognized for how hard work is...and many are badly treated.  You will never see me be unkind, impatient or cruel with a restaurant worker partially because of what I learned working.  That is a priceless lesson.

5. Ever traced your family tree? Share something interesting you learned there.
Sort of...I haven't but a few family members have and I've learned from their findings.  I visited Denny, Scotland (Denny is my maiden name) and met a few Denny's while there...long distant relatives no doubt.  It was sheep pastures mostly.  Very pretty and remote.

6. What did your childhood bedroom look like?
My bedroom was large and had a cubby off the middle of it with a window.  I used it as a play area, reading area and dressing area by spells.  It had white curtains with little rosebuds.  The carpet was blue shag and hard to vacuum.  I had a bunk bed with a double on the bottom and single on top.  Anytime we had company they took my room.  I had a white eyelet bedspread with pastel color in the lace.  The giant black cat we had used to hide under the dust ruffle and pounce on my feet.  The room had radiators and I'd climb up on them to see out the high windows...those kind that cranked out!  Good memories...

7. Anyone who knows me knows I love_______________________?
Turquoise, cobalt blue glass, clocks, oil lamps, books, coffee but hopefully most of all....GOD!

8. Insert your own random thought here.
In case you missed it I moved this month.  I posted about my life and whirlwind if you go back a post!  Phew...I'm tired.  I probably should be unpacking something but there is only so much unpacking a gal can do before she cracks!

Update: My life, my whirlwind!

So, we went on our yearly trip to upstate NY to visit my grandparents.  It was beautiful there in the mountains by the lake, as it always is...and it was interrupted by work, as it always is.  

My husband's company had been showing signs of strain for years...filing a form of bankruptcy, layoffs...but we'd said we felt he was secure in his position and we'd stay.  He liked it and he's loyal and wanted to help them succeed.  But, they'd continually been encroaching on our family time...long and late teleconferences became longer and later...and went from once a month to almost every night with many more trips overseas.  Oh, and did I mention...they never NEVER let us have a vacation without an interruption... or several.  Everything was an emergency.  And I'd say, "there is no reason a good employee shouldn't be able to leave for a week without this kind of intrusion."...well, it finally got to my sweet, humble Loverbrains this July and he decided to put out his resume to three places.  

As soon, as we got home from that vacation he was sent overseas for possibly a week, possibly more...and he said, "put the house up for sale so we aren't stuck with it if I get a new job in the wintertime."  So, my Mom came for her scheduled visit and I put her to work (ha)...and she helped me clear and clean and set up that house for sale.  When he came home a week later we listed it at the highest going price and in one showing...it sold...for asking price!  WOW!

So, while Loverbrains fielded major problems at his current job he also had phone interviews on the down low...and managed to schedule two live interviews back to back.  I bought new suits and helped him prepare in any way I could.  I prayed...a lot.  His interview on the Monday went great and they offered him the position right before he walked into his other interview on Tuesday.  That interview went so well that they met him for dinner and offered him that job too.  By Wednesday he had both offers in writing on his desk.  Just so ya'll know...that doesn't happen...that was God.  God gave multiple good options.  God is so good.  And it seemed that God was very serious about us moving.  WOW!  

We had great connections through our church and were able to get help completing the home inspection items on our list for our buyer in record time.  And we were able to house hunt that very next Saturday and Sunday and find...ok, I'll just say it...my dream house!  Seriously, it's gorgeous!  All the details fell into place with it too.  I remember one Sunday I was feeling stressed about some minor detail regarding inspection or some such and as I shared it with an older lady at church she just looked at me at said, "Honey, it just seems like God is steam rolling the way before you...don't you think you can trust Him?"  And indeed He has steamrolled the way.

He blessed us with corporate movers too.  Although the big dog relocation company wasn't very nice the third party they hired were just splendid...so much so that I now have a friend named Karen in MA should I ever visit there.  Seriously, moving is stressful and when the big dog company kinda forgot they were dealing with people and not just money and the Monday of the move told us they might put us into storage for two weeks...my MA friend listened to me cry and reassured me that they would be there to move us no matter what ducks were lined up or not!  They wouldn't leave us stranded.  Castine Movers...I'm telling you...they're the best!  

So, in roughly 8-10 weeks....we moved.  Things are still a bit crazy here...and on gray days like today they are a bit lonely and quiet for this extroverted chica.  But, we know that God has a plan for us here...He moved us...and We trust Him!  We are excited to see what He has in store.