Confession: I want an easy life.

Most of the people I know, myself included, would say we are far and removed from the whole "prosperity gospel thang." But recent events have caused me to ponder if it's actually true in my heart.  I don't think that God wants me to be healthy, wealthy and wise...in fact I know the Bible says the christian life is very much a promise of the opposite.  But... there is so much that I take for granted...and that I expect God to do for those who love and trust Him. And for those in full time ministry...oh, I think they should be especially blessed.

I don't think they should die young. I don't think the void they leave should be so frustrating to explain to the world.  I don't think it should hurt so badly.

Nevermind that I know the Bible promises suffering...nevermind that I know He works all things for the good of those who love Him.  Nevermind that I know this earth is not my home...and heaven is a better place.  I say nevermind...because that's how I react when the tragic occurs.  Oh, maybe not outwardly...I might be smart enough, or church-culturally trained enough, to know better than to question things...but inside I wrestle with God.  Oh Lord, It just doesn't seem right. 

And this week as I struggled against being pinned to the mat, I read something about the Trusting Farmer.  "His heart bears much fruit, though his earthly fields through the providence of God may have been laid waste by his enemies or by the weather.  Embracing the words of his Master, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal. If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him."  John 12:24-26  His greatest delight is in pleasing the Father by being faithful as a laborer "together with God."  May God help us all to be faithful, Trusting Farmers whom the Father can honor."

There is no fair according to me.  There is only trusting everyday.  There is no prosperity using worldly standards.  There is a Sovereign God...who's plans are perfect...regardless if I agree or can see how it is so.  And the truth is that those who love Him are especially blessed...immortal until His work is done.

Excerpt from Changed Into His Image by Jim Berg

Edit:  Upon re reading this...(I wrote it a few days ago)...I decided maybe I should clarify.  I don't WANT an easy life...I WANT to walk worthy so that no matter what, if tested, I will come through the fire as gold.  But, when I said "I want an easy life" in this post...I was being honest, that when I look at my true heart I see that I'm a chicken and hopelessly sinful...and aside from the Holy Spirit's continued working in me I cannot think a single correct, logical thought re: the Sovereignty of God.  If I've confused anyone with my slight sarcasms or overstatements I apologize.  The object of such honesty was to inspire others to be honest in their own examination of their hearts.  I do pray for rain that waters me to grow into a life that will glorify God!