Conflict...1, 2, 3...

When I recently accepted a new ministry position, I did it with much prayer and with the intense feeling that it was God's will and calling for my life.  I recognized that God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called.  I tried to rest in that...while the learning curve and immensity of it sought to overwhelm me.

Along the way, other wise women in this ministry counseled me to prepare myself for a time of testing, trial, and opposition.   I have to admit that it rankled me...quite a bit.  I kind of thought it was wrong to live life waiting for the "other shoe to drop."  Well, let me tell ya...they were right.  Outside of the obvious refiner's fire aspect, I guess it sort of falls under what Job said, "You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?"

The shocker for me that it wasn't BIG things...it was little things.  Many.  One little conflict threatened to unhinge me.  Which leads me to count out some things...

Number One:

I will freely admit that I am not good at apologizing...and my larger fault is that it takes me a long time to actually get sorry enough to do it.  Over the years this turn around has become a smoother process...but not an altogether painless one.  I felt the Holy Spirit's leading to make this right "as much as it depended on me"...so...I did...I spoke truth...my whole body shook.  Which brings me to...

Number Two:

Yeah, it didn't go so well.  I'm never quite sure what to do when people tell you to "just forget about it"...that yes, they think YOU were indeed wrong...and you should be sorry.  No forgiveness, no reconciliation...But, I can have peace in knowing I did what was right.  I humbled myself...I swallowed all the blame.

Number Three:

I want the changes that come through my problems.  I want to care more about relationships than my own pride.  "Growth and wisdom await you at the solution of each problem, the pain and mess notwithstanding."  ~Chuck Swindoll  

My plan for this situation?..."If your enemy is hungry, give her food to eat; And if she is thirsty, give her water to drink; For you will heap burning coals on her head, And the LORD will reward you." Proverbs 25:21-22  I'm praying for a truly caring, loving spirit...a willingness to put myself in harms way...to do what is right...to risk it all to point the bitter and angry to Christ.  Already, I see my heart is softer...a bit bruised, but softer.