Psalm 13:5-6, "I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me."I am not who I was...that's something to rejoice about. God has not left me the same.
I am finding that my extroverted hide has toughened...and even among those I trust the most, I am subdued and changed. I'm no longer as energized by the crowd as I once was...perhaps finally acknowledging my need for time alone, time with God. Realizing that my tank is so quickly emptied and must be filled...where before I'd run on fumes and have regrets, now I sense the guage is near the red and back off and quiet my tongue.
I am finding out how precious is time...and doing only those things prepared in advance for me. How rewarding and clear God makes it when I pray first and yes next. Now let me be clear...there's no "praying about" things that are clearly to be obeyed in God's Word...but there is praying about His will before saying I will...Avoiding at all costs duty bound ministry...which is not glorifying to God.
I am finding new delight in His Word. Reading...really reading...and memorizing...Eating and finding it sweet. Praying His Word back to Him. It's almost like falling in love...again. It's finding out I was being loved....by the Lover of my Soul...all along.
Oh Love that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee.
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow,
May richer, fuller be.
O light that foll'west all my way,
I yield my flick'ring torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine's blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.
O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.
O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life's glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.
George Mattheson 1882
Scripture Psalm 13:5