I often have long conversations all by myself, and I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying. ~Oscar Wilde
Right about the time I thought this blog was a little anonymous blip on the radar of no one in particular...my stats indicate many page views and my few and faithful (while still few and faithful) tripled. Yes, 25 is tripled.
And sadly...while saying it wouldn't change me...my pride instantly inflated. I told myself that I needed to post (cuz my public awaits ya know!?)...and I need to link up with various memes of note. Incidentally, I noticed I have an intense loyalty to various memes and trying out new ones felt like I was cheating...and not linking up felt like I was going to hurt someone's feelings...and bottom line...I felt like the blog was running my life.
And then life sort of hit the fan...not the greatest picture I realize but I'm being REAL today so like it or lump it. Anyhew, I decided to review books...for fun...for free books. I mean, it seemed like the perfect match for a happy blogging Mome...a bookworm...wanting more blog traffic, etc. Until I read my first book...a book I chose because I thought I'd like it, but I didn't...and I wasn't kind enough...and I worry I hurt the author's feelings...and I'm getting random, anonymous comments from snarky people.
Another incidentally...all future snarky anonymous comments will be deleted from my blog. I am willing to carry on conversations with people who disagree with my views...but if you're going to be mean anonymously...you will not be getting air time here, folks.
But let's face it for what it was...PRIDE...she reared her fuzzy head...and I was sucked in. I was suddenly caring more about traffic and linking up...and I didn't take the time to consider my words and everyone's feelings...or where my time should go...and I forgot the verse I chose for my header years ago...
2 Cor. 5:9, "Therefore we also have as our ambition, whether at home or absent, to be pleasing to Him."
And that perhaps is the most crushing to me of anything else. I have asked for God's forgiveness...because what saddens me most (and I hope it continually crushes me)...is that I forgot to make my first ambition on this blog to be pleasing HIM!
THAT will continue to be the cathartic outpouring of this blogger's heart...whether I have 0, 25, or thousands of readers...